Confidence Siphons

When I was 23, I had my oldest daughter. Having worked in early childhood for years at that point, I went into parenthood with a cocky mindset. I had seen or heard about most anything that a parent has to deal with and had long ago learned how to handle all the things, or so I thought. When that sweet bundle of joy was finally on the outside after 22 hours of labor, an emergency c-section, and a failed "birth plan" later, I panicked. I very quickly came to the realization that I knew all the things when it came to caring for children, from a very different side of the wall. It's easy to know what to do when you have PARENTS making the decisions for you. I knew who was allergic to what, who had a hard time transitioning, and what schedules to expect and implement because (you guessed it) the parents were in the trenches figuring it out for me. When my recovery nurse asked me if I wanted MY BRAND NEW BABY to have the vitamin K shot I had no one to turn to but my husband who was relying on my previously bragged about kid skills. Oh, boy did my confidence bubble pop. I muddled through that first day looking to everyone I knew that had parented, nurses, doctors anyone that would make decisions for us. It wasn't until one of my nurses, Shawna, looked me square in the eye and said "Honey, this is your baby. Follow your gut. No one that is worth worrying about is going to pop out of the floorboards and tell you that you're doing it wrong".

THIS CHANGED MY LIFE.

Did this mean that people weren't going to judge me for my parenting choices? Of course not. It seems to be many people's favorite topic of conversation. "Did you see that Ashley let's her 11.3 month old drink juice??" or "Joey and Tiffany let those kids run wild all over their property without shoes on!" (insert eye roll).

Did this mean that their opinions did not and DO NOT dictate my choices, yes! Easier said than done right?

Fast forward 10 years. I have another daughter, more early childhood and life experience and you know what? I still rely on this advice! OFTEN. I catch myself watching a video about what emotions I should let my kids see from me, breaking generational cycles, use these words instead of those words (we all know this list is never ending) and immediately translate them to my parenting style. Even worse, I get super judgy with my husband's uncanny knack for immediately displaying the opposite of what my brain says is clearly sound advice when parenting our girls....insert Shawna.

On a professional level, I am constantly speaking with parents who preface statements with disclosures like "I know, I know, I shouldn't do that" or "Don't judge me but" or the best (and probably worst) thing is when a parent tells me one thing and their child immediately outs them with something they clearly felt they were going to get judged on, making things awkward and hilarious all at once.

My advice is this: Don't get lost in the confidence siphons set by social media about the rights and wrongs. I would even argue not to get caught up in the do's and don'ts set forth by teachers, doctors, friends, even your own parents. Seek information with intention, settle your mind around it, and do with it what YOU want. You are under no obligation to it.

You are doing a great job. Wherever you find yourself in life, as long as your intentions and actions are kind, healthy, and YOURS, you are killing it!